Find my way back home

Sometimes I wish I had more followers so that my boyfriends videos could be seen more.
Him and the guys he works with comes up with some generally good videos but they don’t get noticed much.
Wonder why the don’t go over to youtube, it is one of the biggest platform they could use to be noticed.
Is Vimeo all that?

I want to be a little.
But I don’t really know how I would go about talking to my boyfriend about this.
But I also don’t know how it could even happen.
But I’ve been searching the tag and I am so much like a little around him.
And it just seems like I was made to be a little.
Also calling him daddy would be so odd.

Hmm idk

So many self harm pictures on my personal dash…
It is making me want to cut.
I feel like shit.
I seriously thought my boyfriend thought I had cheated on him, but I hadn’t and I don’t even think that thought crossed his head.
So why did I think about it……
Oh fuck what is going on with me at the moment.
I confused him today.
Because we was getting hot and heavy and I just stopped and clung on to him.
I couldn’t speak I could just hug him.
He got concerned after a while.
And I just sounded so pathetic with “I just had the sudden feeling that you were going to leave me.”
I can’t even explain what it was.
I just had this thought he was going to dump me and that would be it, my happiness would be gone.
My world crashed back down to reality.

We talked and I it made a lot of difference, I felt better.
I just want to make him feel the way he makes me feel.
I have never felt so pretty, special and loved ever!
I want to tell him I love him.
I want to be able to say it, but every time I want to it seems like the wrong time.
Like today I wanted to say it but it was during the time I was thinking that he thought I was cheating on him or someone and I just over thought and had the idea that if I said it, it would have roused more suspicion.
What the fuck is going on in my head at the moment.
I can’t even write this on my person blog cause he reads it and I just think he doesn’t need to know these things just yet.
Plus I don’t want him finding out that I want to tell him I love him because I want it to be face to face and romantic.
Yet I probably don’t have a romantic bone in my body.

Some days I feel like I don’t deserve him, like he could do so much freaking better then me.
But some days I just think ‘yes, I actually have a fucking perfect, lovely, understanding and beautiful boyfriend, that likes me!”

I don’t even know where this post is going anymore at the moment.
My head is all over th place.
I just want him to be here.
But I can’t have that.
And so I want him to text me.
But he is out and when we parted ways his battery was dying, so it is probably dead.
And I just don’t really know how to say sorry for ruining our day together.
I should cherish it because I probably won’t see him now till next week.

I don’t get what is wrong with me at the moment, I just feel so sad and low.
But everything in my life is going to well……

scienceing:

scienceing:

my friend was cold so I told her to stand in a corner

corners are 90 degrees

(via icantdecideonablogname)

Should I tell you about my depression and suicidal past?